I went to bed last night frustrated, weary from the constant struggles of the day. It had been a very hard day with my daughter, and I regretted some of my reactions to her choices. It has really been a rough few weeks, and I hoped that it might be the craziness and excitement of Christmas break and the lack of a normal schedule. I feel exhausted and frustrated so many nights. I have three children, but the one who breaks me gives me constant reminders of my desperate need for God’s grace. Before I became a mother, I had a pretty good feeling that I mostly had things together. But from day one, this child has been determined to prove to me that I don’t.
And it’s true. I am painfully, excruciatingly aware of my shortcomings these days. I am daily faced with the decision to give my children to God, and I am very willing to admit that I need God’s help and wisdom on an hourly basis. I am in the middle of the battle, where the ending isn’t clear and I cling desperately to the hope that He is working where I cannot see.
I spent a few years listening almost constantly to podcast sermons, and Matt Chandler was my favorite. He is honest, and he speaks directly from the Word of God without fear. His honesty about the hard seasons of life drew me in when I was struggling through a very hard, lost season. And now in a different and very hard season, I have been brought back to many of the sermons I heard and verses that speak to hope.
“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
Romans 8:24-25 ESV
My eyes were opened to the idea that we hope for what is unseen. Hope is such a nice, pretty word. We name our daughters after it and use it as a positive, uplifting idea. But hope is HARD. It is painful. It is not easy to hang on in the dark, waiting for the speck of light to appear, showing you which way to go. If you can see the end, if your answer is near, there isn’t any faith required to hope for the outcome. The hope I have is based on the promises of God that I find in His Word. It is based on His faithfulness to me and His faithfulness to all generations.
I hope for things I want to see in my children, I hope that the daily struggles of raising a very challenging child will someday subside and there will be more moments of joy and less struggle. But as I pray for Him to do His work, I do my best to remember who is with me on every single hard, emotionally exhausting day. I am saved by Jesus, and in Him, I have all I need for this battle.
Are you in the middle of a hard thing? You’ve lost sight of the beginning, and you have no idea when the end will arrive. I encourage you today to call His name. You don’t need to have the right words to say His name. He is listening.
Many nights after the kids are in bed, I listen to worship music that feeds my soul. This song is on repeat tonight.
Can’t go back to the beginning,
Can’t control what tomorrow will bring
But I know here in the middle
Is a place where You promise to be
I’m not enough, unless You come,
Will you meet me here again?
‘Cause all I want, is all You are,
Will you meet me here again?
Angela Gidley 