Black Raspberry Vanilla and Maggie May

I love this black raspberry vanilla shower gel. It reminds me of fall 2004 when my friend Maggie moved to Waverly to intern at our church. We packed so much into the few months that she lived here. We were two single girls in ministry, having the best time together for that season.

For Pastor Appreciation month, a wonderful family from our church gave me a free night at their amazing bed and breakfast. I took Maggie with me, and we watched movies and did puzzles all night. We road tripped to a conference, we watched election results while doing puzzles and eating Rolos. We did Weight Watchers together, riding on the bike trail to earn points for our dinner. She sang “Breath of Heaven” and I did a human video for it. I’ll never forget that or her incredible voice.

Every time I see this shower gel that Maggie and I both loved that reminds me of her amazing life. I have written about her in the past. Maggie was one of those people who was so joyful, so full of life, and everyone loved her. After she left Waverly, she was diagnosed with breast cancer a year or two later, and she went to be with Jesus in 2012.

The fact that God decided to take her home but left me here baffles me sometimes. I don’t expect to understand God’s ways. I do know that remembering my friend is a regular reminder that I only have one shot at this life, one chance to live a life that will make a difference in eternity. Maggie did that so beautifully. I am so inspired by her joy no matter what circumstances she faced.

I can’t wait to laugh with her in heaven and see her beautiful smile. Until then, the changing leaves and Black Raspberry Vanilla shower gel and so many more things will remind me of my incredible friend and how short our time is on this earth, but how amazingly beautiful it can be.

Firm Foundation

I haven’t cried all my eye makeup off in months, so I guess I was due. It still took me by surprise. A good cry can be really healing, and other times it is accompanied by pain and despair that linger on long after the tears have dried from my face.

I tend to dive into a soothing worship song when I need God’s presence, and my favorite line from today’s song is, “Jesus, Your presence is the comfort of my soul.”

I love things that are black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. I love the clarity, I want answers and facts when I come up against a problem. Unfortunately, I have learned repeatedly in the past ten years that many problems are cloudy and unclear. When my oldest was a toddler, I picked up book after book searching for help, looking for answers to figure her out and find out what I could do to be the mom she needed. She didn’t (and doesn’t) fit easily into a box. And I struggle with that more than I wish I did.

One thing has become clear in the past decade of my life, though. God stripped away many, many things in my life that had given me a false sense of security. I have come to realize that He wasn’t trying to hurt me. He wanted to help me see that I was building on an insecure foundation. When the storm rages, that foundation crumbles and everything falls apart. But if I rebuild on Jesus, the only sure foundation, I will have all I need for the next storm.

And for some reason, they keep coming. Life doesn’t let up in some seasons. Maybe it’s months, it could be years. God has shown in His Word that time is not a consideration when He is molding and shaping His people to do His work.

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭73:25‬-26 ESV

I might not “feel” much better after a good cry, but I know the One on whom I stand is holding me through it all. Here are some of the beautiful lyrics from the song in my heart and mind right now.

Beneath the surface
Of my anxious imagination
Beckons a calmness
That is found in You alone

It washes over
Every doubt, every imperfection
Jesus, Your presence
Is the comfort of my soul

There’s nowhere I’d rather be
When You’re singing over me
I just wanna be here with You
I’m lost in Your mystery
I’m found in Your love for me
I just wanna be here with You

{“With You” by Elevation Worship}