Give Me a Break!

My mom came to help for a week when my kids were born. I remember when my oldest was born, she told us we should go get dinner for our anniversary coming up, and she would stay with Isabella. I will never forget driving back home from that dinner and sobbing to Matt. I cried, “I wish we could drive away and never go back!” Of course, we know postpartum hormones are some crazy things, but the reality of the all-consuming responsibility of being a mother was all around me, and it was much more demanding than I expected.

I don’t know if it’s just the introverts among us who need the alone time to recharge, but I learned from very early on that breaks from motherhood would be necessary for maintaining my sanity. There have been seasons where breaks were very hard or impossible to arrange, and I paid the price (as did my family) with depression and all manner of unkindness when I did not find the space to recharge.

I really want to encourage you moms who have little ones at home all day. I honestly stay up pretty late into the night because that time of quiet and alone (or with my husband around) is helpful for daily recharging. I have heard moms say they fall asleep with their kids, and I cannot fathom that lifestyle. I would feel imprisoned if I didn’t get to enjoy a couple of non-kid hours most evenings.

In addition to daily time, I am blessed to work a part time job where I can take a day off each week to spend time with friends and talk about the Bible my ladies group at church, run errands, and do what I want to do for a few hours. I feel a little guilty saying that it’s probably my favorite day of the week.

Matt and I have always loved to travel together, and we have typically done our best to take a couple of weekend trips without the kids each year. However, the mess of 2020 and 2021 has thrown off our rhythm. I have also taken trips alone and with my mom or other friends that have been amazing opportunities to recharge and refresh.

Maybe you think this is unachievable. “Who am I going to get to watch my kids?” Listen, when we went from two to three children, we drastically decreased the number of people willing and length of time they were willing to watch our children. So now I work on splitting them up at different places or, for a longer trip, have someone for a couple days and someone else for the last few days. It is a lot of work to arrange it all, but the benefits are worth it for me.

If you can’t afford to take a trip but you know you need the break, can you stay home and get someone to keep the kids for a few days? Or maybe visit a family member or friend for a cheaper way to get out of town? Sometimes when I take the kids for a couple days to visit my parents, my mom will tell me to go do something and she will hang out with the kids.

I wanted to write about this today because it’s one of the things that keeps me sane in the little years and even now in the elementary school years of motherhood. I was not sure if I wanted to be a stay at home mom before I had kids. I loved my ministry, and my pastor always told me he would have a job for me even when I had children. But things don’t always work out as we expect, and I ended up being a stay at home mom for about ten years. I loved things about it, but I desperately missed the adult interaction, the sense of accomplishment that comes from knowing what to do and checking off a to-do list, and the feedback from others on a job well done.

I hope you take time for the things that recharge your mind, body, and soul. If you need some help figuring it out, send me a message! I would love to help you with it.

Built on the Rock of Ages

““Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:24-27‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The wise man did not wait until the storm came to build his house. He did the work before the storm so he would be prepared when it arrived. The problem with that is that we never know when the storms of life will come our way. One phone call changes everything. One day brings change we never dreamed was coming. The one who devotes time to hearing and understanding and following the words of God is building a solid spiritual house. He or she is the one that Jesus describes as wise.

My husband, Matt, spent a week in the hospital with sepsis, kidney failure, and severe dehydration. He has been home for almost 8 weeks, and he is still in the process of recovering. He developed blood clots in the hospital, so those are being treated as well as some other issues that have not yet resolved themselves. He is still weaker than usual and low on energy. The raging storm that started when we went to the doctor has died down, but it is still raining heavily as we face different physical, financial, and emotional circumstances. God has provided for us in beautiful ways. I should write a full post about the ways in which living in community has blessed our lives and our family.

Almost a week ago, my dad was admitted to the hospital with COVID pneumonia. My mom was sick at home with COVID. I have been stuck two hours away, substituting phone calls and FaceTime for the personal touch and hugs I want to be giving them. Dad has had a couple of good days, and we are praying he keeps improving. Mom is feeling better today, and we trust that God is healing their bodies. It has been another tough storm. I have noticed that, when that storm begins and when it is raging so loudly, rattling the windows and knocking down tree limbs, it’s too late to put down a foundation. It’s even too late to put on siding or paint or install the door. The work needs to be done. All you can do is stand. The foundation you have built will hold you in place. Words may fail you, you may not know what to pray in that moment, but the foundation is still there, rock solid and not going anywhere.

I am not new to stormy weather, but I can say my foundation has never been quite as strong as it was this time. All the glory for that goes to God. I can read and pray and give and serve, but it is God who gives the growth.

Do you want to build a strong foundation that can withstand the greatest of storms? Do you want to be built on the Rock who holds eternity in His hands? Read the Bible. Pray, pray for yourself and pray for others. Give, give up things that are weighing you down. Give of yourself. Serve others and serve the church. Serve and give your time, sacrificing things you would otherwise do to invest in the eternity of someone else.

If you are in a storm and you need something to hold on to right now, please message me. I would love to pray with you. Maybe you are reading this and keeping the storm inside. Please find others to hold you up in prayer.

It may be bright and sunny in your corner of the world. If so, keep building on your foundation. Find someone who needs a helping hand, and serve in their time of need. I can tell you that it means so much to them. A lot of love comes in a homemade lasagna or a pot of chili given to a sick or hurting family.

This is my favorite quote. I have shared it before, but it fits so I am happy to share it again.

Knotted Hair and a God Who Cares

I spent thirty minutes unknotting my daughter’s hair this evening. I have never seen a mess like it, and I have very thick hair myself. This was unreal. She had just come upstairs from her shower, and she had already wrapped a neon scrunchie in her soaking wet hair. I could see some tangles in the ponytail, so I took it out and was just astounded at the mess after she had just washed it. I asked her how it got this bad, and she just said that she keeps it in a scrunchie so no one can see it.

I had no idea that over half her hair was a giant tangled mess. I sent her to bed after the process was complete, and my first thought was, “I am a horrible mom.” How could I not know that her hair was such a mess? How could I be so oblivious? This tangled bird’s nest on her head symbolized for me the many messes I have had to manage or clean up with her, and this was just another one that I never saw coming. My next thought was that someone else, almost anyone else, would be a better mom to this child than I am.

Yeah. I thought it. Then I decided to confront that thought with some truth. The truth is that being a mother to this child has exposed so much of my own sin nature, failures, ways I fall short, and inadequacies. As I have been forced to face those issues I would rather ignore, I have been thrust into the loving arms of the God who knows every single thing about me and loves me with an everlasting love. I have learned so much about God through my experience as a mother. I didn’t know how much I needed His grace. I really didn’t have a clue. I loved to follow the rules and make everyone happy and check all the boxes, but I did not have a clear picture of how desperately I needed His grace until I was confronted with my failure. And I fail a lot as I try to figure out parenting the child that God gave me. It is not as straightforward as the many books I have read explain it to be.

I have found this scripture from Romans to be a comfort in various seasons of life where the messes are many and the answers are few.

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” “Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?” For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭11:33-36‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/rom.11.34-35.NIV

God doesn’t have to explain to me why He chose me to be her mom. I don’t have His view. My sight is obstructed compared to His. He is all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful. I defer to Him when I don’t understand. I may not have all the answers, but I have Him. He is faithful. He has never failed me. I rest in Him tonight, and I pray that you will, too.

I’ve been listening to this a lot lately. I can’t resist sharing the soundtrack of my days whenever possible.