Moses. David. Joseph. Abraham. I could keep going, and maybe you could, too. The Bible contains in-depth, fascinating stories of waiting that simply amaze me. Forty years in a desert? If you have waited anything close to that, I want to hear about it. Many of you have experienced waiting for something valuable, something amazing. Something that was really worth the wait.
I am pregnant with my third child. I know how this 10 month wait works. It still is not easy, though. Every picture of a tiny newborn, the sweet sleeping eyes, the chubby cheeks…it just stirs up a longing to meet my own baby. Thankfully, my wait has an end date. I am certain I will not still be pregnant with this child in September. That certainty is really helpful on the exhausting, uncomfortable, frustrating days.
What about the wait of the adoptive parents? They fill out paperwork, look through pictures, and they can still wait for months or years in the hope of finding a child to call their own. The single man or woman who longs for marriage has no idea when or if the wait for love might end. I myself have not forgotten the loneliness of waiting for a simple date, waiting through college and then after college, watching while it happened for seemingly everyone else. The parents of a child who is lost in the world, stumbling in the dark with no apparent desire to serve God at all…their wait is excruciating no matter if it lasts for a few months or many, many years. The man who holds close the dream of a career he loves is in the meantime doing his best in work that feels unfulfilling and even meaningless.
David penned the above words from Psalm 27:14. David understood waiting with no idea of what the future might bring. I read David a Man of Passion and Destiny by Charles Swindoll many years ago. I own the entire Great Lives series, and this volume on David was the first one written. I came back to this book as I remembered the time David spent as a cave dweller, hiding from King Saul who wanted David dead. In chapter seven, “For Cave Dwellers Only,” Swindoll says the following:
“David has been brought to the place where God can truly begin to shape him and use him. When the sovereign God brings us to nothing, it is to reroute our lives, not end them.” (pg. 73)
Waiting feels like the end. Waiting is the end. As Swindoll points out, it is usually not the very end, but it is usually an end that also brings about a new beginning. My wait for this baby will end. When it does, our lives will completely change once again as they should when a family grows and welcomes a new member.
I am a mom who stays at home with preschool aged children. I was not always a mom, and for a while I was a mom who worked from home and cared for my daughter. Before I was a mom, I had a “career,” a fulfilling occupation in full-time ministry. I had to leave that career before I was ready to do so. I did not have a back-up plan or an equally fulfilling option around the corner. I spent a couple years working in a job that used some of my skills but was completely different from ministry. I waited, but my waiting did not in something even better than I expected.
I never spent a lot of time thinking about whether I would be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom during the early years of my children’s lives. I now cannot imagine having to leave my kids every day, and I am grateful for this blessing during this short season. However, while many moms may consider this a dream come true or the fulfillment of a great longing, I have not had those feelings many days. I miss my ministry colleagues. I worked with people who were much more like family than friends. I often wonder if I will ever experience anything quite like that again. I am now blessed to have an opportunity to serve at a small church plant with many people who I consider to be my Waverly family. The dynamics of serving as a volunteer, working from home, and squeezing in a few minutes of work here and there after bedtime or during naps are very different from the days of brainstorming meetings, planning retreats, and endless details (yes, I love details).
My life will never be the same as it was 7 or 8 years ago. God chose to reroute me, and I do not yet know how He wants to route me in the future. I believe each season will be different, and I am learning to accept that, to find the ways I can minister and be the love of Jesus wherever I am. It is primarily to my children right now, but I am also thrilled when I can bless others and feel that joy as well.
If you are waiting and unsure of how to find courage in that process, draw near to God. James 4:8 (ESV) says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
I think we usually like to skip over that second sentence. Sinners? Double-minded? That doesn’t feel good. But if I want to draw near to God, that is an essential component to doing so. Cleansing your hands and purifying your hearts will only come from seeking Him. I have grown the most in my relationship with God when I am the most honest about my sin – my pride and selfishness and jealousy and the list goes on.
Find the courage to be honest with yourself, and you will find God in a deeper way than ever.
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)