I didn’t expect it. We decided sort of last minute to send our youngest to preschool in September of 2019. Our older kids did 2 mornings of preschool a week. We signed Evangeline up for a 4 afternoon a week program. Suddenly, I had time. For a few hours four days a week, I was alone.

My husband quickly signed me up to help him at his office, but I still was without kids on a regular basis. I could listen to my music loudly without constant talking. I could run a quick errand ALONE without arranging for someone else to watch the kids. I could think. I have been a work from home or stay at home mother for ten years now, and I have really missed these freedoms that I previously took for granted. I really love my kids, but I also love my freedom and independence. I had not experienced regularly scheduled time with no kids in ten years.

It. Was. Amazing. I relished those moments. My parched, weary soul was being rehydrated little bit by little bit.

Then the lockdown. With so little warning, I lost it all. I thought I would have time to mentally prepare for summer and the craziness that it is. I had no time. It was all the kids, all the time. No dropping the kids off with grandma to run a quick errand. Nothing.

After a few weeks passed, I asked my husband if I could run to get a Starbucks on a Saturday. A couple weeks later, I did it again. And I ate lunch alone in my car. And I picked up a few essentials (and a few non-essentials) at Target. Those couple of hours refreshed my soul more than I expected.

I don’t know what the next months hold. I know the unexpected can be challenging and devastating. It can also be beautiful and amazing. I know that He gives and takes away, and I trust that what He plans to give and take away is for my good and His glory. A lot has been taken away from us in the past few months. Much has also been given to us if we look closely and see clearly.

If you are struggling in this season, please don’t hesitate to email me here. I will be there for you.

1 thought on “Unexpected

  1. Oh, I remember the days when all I wanted was to just be left alone for a few minutes! I had a job I loved, but that job gave me very little interaction with other adults – mostly other people’s kids. I had three very active kids who were in different stages of development (8 1/2 years between my oldest and youngest). My husband really is great, but he couldn’t understand how I felt because he had never been in my position. I was not good at taking responsibility for my own well-being. Instead, I seethed inwardly about how unfair it was that I was always last on everyone’s list, including my own. That didn’t help me feel better and didn’t make me a better wife or mother. I’m glad you see the value of self-care! By the grace of God, my adult daughter is WAY better at self-care than I ever was . . . or am. Maybe she learned from my mistakes 🙂 Now that my kids are independent, I relish the rare time they actually spend with me! And, I’ve finally come to acknowledge that self-care is NOT the same as being selfish.

    I think dealing with the unexpected is so hard because it goes against our human nature to want to be in control. In reality, we were never really in control! This pandemic has just erased that illusion for us. I find myself worrying about next school year more often than I want to admit. But, I am also seeing some beautiful and amazing things during this time – when I remember to look for them. Hang in there, Angela! God placed your kids in your arms for a reason. You are enough. And, its okay to take care of yourself!


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