It’s true. It even pains me to see it in writing. Someone does not like me, and I am not even sure why. I could get into the whole story, but it’s really not the point. The best I can determine is that I left a place and this person was really unhappy that I did so. I knew that she was unhappy, but I could not change my mind and would not have, anyway. I tried a couple of times to make amends. I wrote a card and apologized for anything I may have done to hurt her. I saw her a few weeks later, and she ignored me completely.
This happened 12 years ago. With the advent of Facebook, I am reminded of her and our situation more regularly, and it hurts. I wish it did not hurt. I wish I could pretend it didn’t hurt or I don’t care, but love causes me to care. I loved her, and she loved me. God gave us an incredible relationship for the three years we shared, and I am so grateful for it.
This is a fallen world. When I think about it, there are a few people that I would prefer to never see again. It is my sin nature that does not desire restitution of relationship and would prefer to think about the hurt and pain they caused in my life. I convince myself that if i knew what I had done to hurt this woman, I would somehow be able to fix it and mend a relationship that meant a lot to me. But I am fully aware that is unlikely. It’s just my way of wanting to be in control of the situation.
Sometimes I think I should be strong enough or confident enough to not care what she thinks. I have no desire to harden my heart, though, and choosing to love means there will be pain when someone I love hurts me. I am not perfect, and I am responsible to make amends when I have wronged someone. I choose to keep loving, to be thankful for those who love me back, and to trust that God will work in the hearts of those who have a hard time seeing past their pain.
Today I need to remember that Jesus loves me, and He is perfect. He does not reject me for my imperfections, and He has blessed me with many amazing people who love me as well. I cannot control those who do not like me. I am sure there are others who have not made their dislike quite as obvious to me, but I must be grateful for those who offer grace and forgiveness when I need them.
Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (ESV)
Colossians 3:12-14 “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one as a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (ESV)